I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
