do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
