I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
