I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
