You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
