Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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