The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Bring me that man meat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
