my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
