What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
