i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
