I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
