just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So many bounce houses so little time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
