Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
