paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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