i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
