Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The air taste purple.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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