the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was like eating out sand paper
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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