So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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