I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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