So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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