Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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