Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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