sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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