But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
