Your dad touched me again.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it's great music for shaving your balls
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
