apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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