I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
