Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
