Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
your like the ambassador to my penis.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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