worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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