So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
