we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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