omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
