i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
