Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
