they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
