Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
