I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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