What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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