I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
