The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
