I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
