Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
