Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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