i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
