does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
