She announced her abortion via fbk
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
