Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
