i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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