So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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