I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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