No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
